Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
