Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
