What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
