Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
