looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
