their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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