Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize