toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
