Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
