I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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