ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
