If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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