I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
