I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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