I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
