No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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