He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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