Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
