I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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