She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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