Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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