Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
