he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The adults are the big ones right?
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