she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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