If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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