It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
