I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We left the knife in your bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
