We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
