I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
