I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
