how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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