eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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