you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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