Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
