Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
