At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
3pm strippers are depressing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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