we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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