I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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