the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
