I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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