ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
