i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
