Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
