She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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