I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
