Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
