im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
