Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
