I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
