when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
