Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
