i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
