I didn't shave. On purpose
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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