I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
