Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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