I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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