Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
