Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
