dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
