I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
