How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
