sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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