Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
