Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm passing your future prison.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
