Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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