Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
