he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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