My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
