So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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