So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
