Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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