i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
