There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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