she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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