two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Girls should come with a carfax report
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
