Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
someone threw a dead crab at me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
