OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
