We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
