Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
