I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
